Weekly Weigh In...

While I'm being accountable by going to my meetings every week and weighing in, I might as well come here and let all of my friends on the interwebs in on it, also. I seem to have fallen into a pattern. I gain slightly, lose big, then lose small. Overall, it all works out to losing steadily. I can't say that I'm fond of the weeks I gain. Last week, I gained .8lbs. No biggie, but I don't like it either. I went in today knowing I would break my little pattern. I binged pretty heavily on Saturday night/Sunday morning. The rest of the week, I ate pretty clean. Mostly proteins, good fats (more on this later), veggies and fruits. Very few grains. I weighed in this evening, and to my surprise, I lost 3.8lbs this week! WOOT!

Anyway... About my idea of "good" fats. I think most fat, in it's natural state, is good for you. Many vitamins are fat soluble. To absorb them, you need some fat. I've also noticed that my skin gets extra dry when I eat too little fat. Now, olive oil is one everyone seems to agree on. I use extra virgin olive oil, and I get it unfiltered, if I can. I rarely cook with it, because that changes things, and it's not quite as healthy. If I cook with fat, I use Extra Virgin Coconut Oil. It's high in saturated fats, but it helps to combat candida (yeast) in your body, and actually works to aid your metabolism. I even use things like *gasp* butter and *shriek* bacon fat. I just don't go hog wild (get it!?!?!) on them.

Enough of me on my soap box... I'll get off now.

Anna, a girl with so much... Um... Character!

All of my kids are wonderfully smart and unbelievably unique. All of them. However, one in particular has been making me laugh, and she's amazed me with her want to learn.

I present do you, Miss Anna.


The above shot was taken by the fabulous Chera, and I love these random photos the best. Sure, we tried to pose them, but really, this is their true personality. Not long ago, I heard Anna described as "spunky"... Yep. That's pretty much it.



This picture (taken with my phone) shows her trying to be Miss Diva. This is her most common pose, and she does it for every.single.picture.


See what I mean?

This girl is doesn't simply try to get attention, she craves it. Almost as much as she craves knowledge. I'm darned near worn out from all the questions. I have to remind myself that this is a good thing. Just this Sunday she was asking us to teach her about multiplication. Really? Kid, you're FIVE. So, I guess a lesson is coming soon, if she wants.

She's also not fooled easily. In her prayers, she asked God to make one of her baby teeth fall out, so that the nurse would give her a toothbrush and tooth necklace. I laughed, but told her that it will happen one day, and we don't get to decide when. Eventually, we started talking about the Tooth Fairy. I told her she'd get some money in exchange for her tooth. She said, "Yeah, but is this Tooth Fairy real?" I said, "Well, if you don't believe in the Tooth Fairy, she won't give you any money." She replied, "Okay, I'll believe in her, but really... Is she real?" Oh dear.

Blogging about the fact that I haven't blogged...

I've become one of those. I promise to get better. I feel like the deadbeat dad who's forever promising to take his son fishing, but always bails. I will not be a deadbeat blogger any longer.

SO... How's about some updates?

Emotional Baggage: It's good. There's very little. Not to say that I don't have good and bad days, but the good are FAR outweighing the bad since I started taking Prozac. My wonderful, understanding husband could not understand why I was so sad, angry and emotional all the time, and it was taking a toll on us. He's a pretty anti-meds kind of guy, so seeing him become a believer is pretty funny.

Weight Loss: Slower than before the miscarriage, but still going well. 54.6 pounds lost since April 20. That includes the nearly two months I knew I was pregnant. That's pretty good. I seem to have fallen into some sort of lose/lose/gain pattern lately, and I'm not sure what's causing it, but I'm still mostly losing. I even managed to lose over the Thanksgiving Holiday. I wouldn't know if that's ever happened before, because I've never been brave enough to get anywhere near a scale during the holidays. That means I have 22.8 pounds to lose to get to a "healthy" BMI, though I'm already feeling really healthy. Then again, the stupid BMI chart listed me as overweight back when I was 170 and in a size 8. Meh. lol

Kids: Allison is doing great, but I worry that she's overloaded. She's a very smart and capable kid, so I'm letting her keep doing what she's doing as long as she can keep her grades up. Anna is a total smarty pants. Her MAP scores showed that she is where they expect 2nd grade kids to be in the Spring. (I forget the actual score, I'll have to look in my file... lol) Her math abilities put her on a 1st grade level. Her teacher is giving her different homework than the rest of the students so that she can be challenged. I'm VERY happy with her teacher. She has issues talking out of turn, but this is Anna. I expected that. We have a deal that if she gets "Purple" or "Superstar" level behavior for 5 days in a row, I will bring her the lunch of her choice (probably some junk from McDonalds. Nothing says love like rewarding good behavior with food, right?) Ezra is Ezra. He's such a smart, funny little kid, but we're working on getting him interested in some learning activities. He has no interest in learning most of the general academic stuff, so it's a challenge.

I also have plenty of pictures and video to post, but we wouldn't want too much excitement in one post, would we? I have to save something for the future, so that I can keep my promise, right?

Audiobooks

Why have I not discovered them sooner? Okay, so it's not as if I didn't know they were around. Goodness. Of course, I know that. I just never thought I would never be interested. I mean, I rarely read. I read magazines and articles. I will read historical biographies occasionally. Overall, however, I just haven't the attention span.

For whatever reason, I wandered into the audiobook section of Allen Public Library the other day. I saw the novel Wicked by Gregory Maguire. Oooh. I'll check this out. There was no loss if I didn't like it.

I am addicted. At least to this book. I already have the next one here by my side. Son of a Witch by the same author. The second in the series.

It's even caused me to temporarily abandon the Pandora application on my BB while in the carpool lane (sounds GREAT through my car stereo speakers). That is big, folks. LOL!

The people who live with me...

...might want to run for cover. I'm thinking they've already given it some serious though.

I'm not sure what is going on with me, but everything aggravates, saddens, or downright angers me lately. I promise it's not intentional. BELIEVE ME. I'd rather just let all the little things slide off my back. And I should make a conscious choice to do so. I'm trying. Just not successfully.

I think one thing I might do is just lay low while the family goes to church and lunch. I know that Hank doesn't want to spend time away from me, but it might be relaxing for them not to worry about me getting aggravated/sad/angered over something small. Boo.

Still... I need to go into tomorrow preparing myself just to let the small stuff go. Totally. Let.it.go. I'm not saying it will be easy. If it were, I wouldn't be having these crummy days. But a conscious choice is where it starts.

So... I'm going to try.

A walk in the park...

Ezra and I headed to the park today for a little walking, bike riding, and snack before we had to pick his big sisters up from school.

First, we pack our snacks. I'm trying to make snacks and lunches more interesting. I haven't ever really done the Bento thing, but I figured I would start giving it a shot. Take that into account as I'm showing our park snacks.

Ezra had peanut butter and jelly on whole wheat, grapes, and cheddar cheese.

This was my snack... Some killer Asian Slaw, Pear, and Ham and Cheese skewers...

Here's the park we went to. There's a mile long trail (okay, slightly less - .9 miles) around this pond.

And this was my view the whole time. Yes, I know he needs a helmet. We're getting him one as a reward for learning to ride so well. This is the first time he's really ridden much of any distance, and he's never ridden without me beside him. He's darned cute, isn't he?

Back on the WWW...

The Weight Watchers Wagon, that is.

Well, I officially started back right after the miscarriage, but I dind't really get my act together until a few days ago, and had my first weigh in today. My last weigh in (July 7) before I found out I was pregnant, had me at 208.6. (FTR, I started this little journey at 241.4.) The weigh in today had me at 209 exactly. So, 4/10 of a pound isn't so bad for two months off the wagon.

Now, here's to getting under 200! Then onward and upward (or downward, in this case)!

Too sleepy... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

Oh man. It's one of *those* mornings. I'm up too early, and I'm so tired. It's partially my fault. I didn't head to bed until midnight. That alone, wouldn't have been a big deal. 6.5 hours of sleep isn't exactly deprivation. However, I woke up a few times during the night, and happened to have a bad dream. I dreamed that my aunt committed suicide. Something that has already happened, and it happened years ago. As a matter of fact, in my dream, I was telling my cousins how I didn't want them to be in the same exclusive club I belonged to (having a parent die like that). When, in reality, they were the only ones who truly understood what I went through when my mom died. She was the first in our family to take her own life. The first of three. So, then it was hard to fall back asleep with my mind racing.

Boo hiss boo.

So, Wendy and Christy, you both are on my mind today. We don't have a terrible amount of contact, but every time I happen to catch a glimpse of your lives through Facebook picture uploads and status updates, I think about Aunt Bev, and I know she would be proud. I remember how proud she was of my little Allison (little? HAHA!) when she was born. I know that would be more than ten fold with you and your children.

The New Do...

I had been aching to color my hair for a while, but I couldn't decide if I wanted to stay blonde or change. I had been so terribly indecisive, I decided to let the hubster decide (in a way). He loves me and thinks I'm attractive no matter what, however I know that he has a preference for dark hair. So, since I couldn't decide, what the heck?

Here I am yesterday (okay, since it's almost 3 in the morning, this was technically two days ago), taking a picture of myself after I'd curled the heck out of it. Yeah. This is about as curly as my hair gets without a frizzy perm. I haven't had one of those since 1994.


And, here I am after the color. It turned out darker than I'd planned, but I think I like it!

Oh, I know. What's the deal with me taking pictures of myself in the car. I promise I was stopped both times. The first time, I was in the parking lot of my eldest's school. I looked in the rear view and was having a great self-esteem kind of day. I scrutinize my features so often, that I might as well enjoy it when I actually feel pretty. I think we should all have "pretty" days more often.

With the second one, I was just going outside to get good light on my way out the door. The sun was too bright, so I sat in the car to block a little of it. Another pretty okay picture. Two pretty days in a row? Why that's unheard of! I like it!

Fix my hair or write in my blog?

Eh... I'm not trollin' for dates these days anyway. Well, I do like a nice date now and then, but the only guy I date likes me as is. He's pretty amazing, like that.

Right now, I'm trying to distract myself. It's not working. I've been hungry and thinking about food all day. What in the world is up with that? I haven't had any huge flubs yet, but this week has been a struggle, food wise.

Maybe it's because when I initially started WW, I had a few more points to work with. But I don't recall being this hungry my first week. Maybe I've just been sitting at home more than usual, taking it easy (okay, so I'm milking it right now.), and food is on my mind more. Whatever. I just can't wait for this week to be over.

I can't wait to NOT be hungry all the freakin' time.

Random thoughts... Try to keep up...

I am genuinely happy right now. Not that things are all peachy, but I'm content and okay with things right now. Yesterday was pretty good. Ezra and I went to Arbor Hills Nature Preserve. He could play, I could walk. I guess I'm not 100% yet physically, but it still felt good to get some activity. I'll just have to work up to it. No biggie. Then we had Choir practice... Both Anna and I. It was the first of the season, and Anna's first one, ever. She was so excited. It was great to see my church family, since I skipped out on church a few days ago. I got a few hugs, with very few words attached to them. It was nice, and exactly what I needed. :)

Today, I'm sitting here with my little man watching Monsters, Inc. Yes. We're watching the evil television. We'll head to the library later and ride bikes (he will, I'll just hang with him), so if we veg out for a bit, no biggie. Plus, I'm a little soft for Monsters, Inc. It's my favorite Pixar movie. Probably in the top 5 of all kids' movies, to be honest.

I've also had some mixed emotions. The other day, I was researching the Essure procedure (a form of sterilization), and while I knew I needn't make any decisions about anything like that now, I was pretty set on having it done when I felt ready. Today, I'm reading a lot about trusting God with certain aspects of our lives. (I mean, I do my best [and fail, I *am* human] to do this in all areas, I'm just speaking about a couple, in particular.) Specifically, the size of our family. It's what we've done for a while. We weren't actively trying or preventing, we were just letting things happen as they may. And it did take us a while to get pregnant. Maybe we're not as fertile as we used to be. But if it's God's plan for us to have another, who am I to question Him. I just have to learn to trust.

See... Random. But it's okay.

Crap.

I had been trying to get my head in a more positive place with the miscarriage. I know it happens to lots of women. It had nothing to do with me. Well, I guess that part doesn't bother me so much. I know my body does great work when it comes to growing babies. I have had three big, beautiful healthy ones.

But I'm trying to tell myself this was for the best. After all, in one year, they will ALL be in school. Look at the freedom I'll have! I'll be able to do so much volunteering for their schools. I'll have some time to do things like workout during the day... Get lots of yard work done... Take some classes... Get a part time job... Doesn't that all sound great?

Then I see things that instantly put me into a funk. Yesterday, I was watching a stupid soap opera (General Hospital), and there was a scene where the husband (Jax) was lovingly putting his hand's on his wife's (Carly) belly. It was so sweet. And it made me jealous. Jealous of a fictitious character.

Lots of women on my local moms' board (DFW Area Moms - GREAT place if you're a mom in the DFW area) are pregnant and having babies. One just gave birth at home, and while I'm ELATED for her, I'm a little melancholy.

I'm not sure if I should just wallow for a bit to get it out, or keep reminding myself of all the positives. Really, I believe this is a tragedy for me and my husband (and possibly my kids, though they haven't expressed very much, which is okay, too) more than for the baby. He/She is in a way better place right now. My sadness is purely selfish. Not that it's a bad thing to be sad, or that I'm wrong or selfish for it. But the fact remains that I'm sad because of what *I* am missing out on.

Anyway, I warned you yesterday there might be some posts like this coming. Just emotional junk I need to get rid of. And I'm thankful I have a place to release all of it.

My Anna...

I love her attitude. It's awesome to have a kid who is so excited about school. She was a little sniffly yesterday, and for a moment, I thought she might have a slight fever (the thermometer proved otherwise). I told her that if she were sick, that I would keep her home. This child was devastated. She pleaded with me, "Mommy! I promise I'll go to sleep right now and get lots of rest, so that I can get better for tomorrow. Please let me go to school!"

Oh dear! How do you argue with that? (Okay, I just held her off, thinking I'd assess things in the morning.) Luckily, she was feeling better this morning, so I *let* her go to school. HAHA!

I also have to say that I'm pretty blessed with my other daughter, also. At 13, she is still eager to get to school every day. I remember that age. I skipped or feigned an illness at every opportunity. My oldest is so much like me in so many ways, but THANKFULLY not in this aspect.

Lots has happened...

I started off in April, beginning a new journey. Weight loss. I used to talk smack about Weight Watchers all the time. I'm not even sure why I joined. But I did. And in less than three months, I lost 32 pounds. HOLY MOLY. That's the most I've ever lost in that amount of time.

Then I found out I was pregnant. How awesome! Weight loss would take a back seat, but that's okay when we're talking babies.

However, I couldn't get a nagging feeling out of my head and heart. I had always felt like Ezra would be our last. Not that we wanted him to be, just that's what I felt. We weren't trying for a baby, but we hadn't NOT been trying for years. I couldn't get that little feeling like this pregnancy wasn't going to make it to the end out of my head. Hank even expressed this concern with me. He said HE always felt Ezra would be our last. He wasn't going to share his feelings with me, but something was telling him to.

We decided we were going to celebrate this little one no matter what. There's no use for doom and gloom, ya know?

Everything was going well. Lots of nausea, lots of sleep... All that stuff. My nausea stopped right at 12 weeks. Cool. I was going to Vegas with friends anyway. Best thing ever! I got home, and we all recapped our trip for a few friends who couldn't be with us. I had my next appointment last Monday, and expected the best. During our appointment, my midwife broke out the doppler to get the heartbeat. No luck. She tried a few tricks to no avail, so we scheduled a sonogram for a few hours later.

I knew.

During the sonogram, it was showing the baby was about 10weeks, and there was no heartbeat. *sigh* I had so hoped our feelings on this were wrong. Maybe it prepared us better. Who knows? I had the option of a D&C, but decided to let things happen naturally. On Friday, around 4:30am, I officially miscarried. It was not painful, but still scary. I was very dizzy, and this was something unlike anything I'd ever experienced (obviously).

My hormones are still a bit out of whack, so if you're okay with me posting all of my irrational feeling, I'm going to post them. :) Overall, I am doing much better. I started doing Weight Watchers again today, just to be able to put my focus on something positive. I had gained 4 pounds during this pregnancy, so I'm not much off from where I was before I found out I was pregnant.

Also, last Monday was the first day of school. Devon started High School, Allison started 8th grade, and Anna started Kindergarten. I'm so proud of all of those kids! :)

See... The Thing About ADHD...

...is that you become obsessed with something, then forget about it...

I promise my dear bloggity blog, I will be more obsessed than forgetful. :)

And I will post more pictures of my awesome kids!

Five Years Ago...

Five years ago, I lost my mom. It's funny, because I almost forgot about it today. It was summer, and we'd been in Dallas for almost a year, and I'd just had Anna. Hank was out of town driving his truck. (In Houston, where my family is, no less...)

Then I got a call from my cousin telling me that she shot herself. It was odd, because I wasn't surprised. I didn't even cry. It wasn't until it sunk in that I would have to tell Allison that her Nana was gone. How do you tell an 8.5 year old that the Nana that helped raise her was gone? And the situation around it. I never wanted to lie to my kids, even about the big stuff, so I didn't.

I think I was angry a lot afterward. Sure, I missed her, but the anger was the primary emotion. How DARE she do this to my kids. Were my kids not important enough to stick around for??? I know that's not what was going on in her head. I realize that it was probably an impulsive action... She obviously wasn't thinking rationally. She was just looking to end her pain. I get that now. But then, I was even telling myself that she couldn't have done this. I had dreams that she was killed. Someone else killing her, somehow made me feel better than her doing it herself. Now, I just miss her. I feel for what she's missing out on. That little girl she helped raise is a teenager now. She's becoming a beautiful, smart young woman. That baby she only saw a handful of times (Anna was only 8 weeks old when it happened), is now almost in Kindergarten, and she's reading like a champ. She's so smart. And there's a little boy she never got to meet. A little grandson, I'm sure she never knew she wanted, but who would've had her wrapped around his finger.

I'm sorry that life became too overwhelming, Mom. I still love you and I miss you terribly.

For the record...

Weight Watchers Vanilla Ice Cream Sandwiches and Dryers Double Churned Light French Silk Ice Cream do not make you feel better when you're really angry. Nope.

It was simply an experiment. One which I thought the results could help all my fellow dieters. Yep. An experiment. That's what it was. It was in no way because my husband and kids were making me furious. I mean, not because they wouldn't bow to my every whim. Nope.

It was self sacrificingly done for all of you. You're welcome.

I am not hungry...

Really, I'm not. No tummy grumbles. I just ate a little bit ago. I'm perfectly fine. Why is it that I really want an ice cream sandwich? Dang ice cream sandwich. Maybe blogging about this will help me through it.

It hasn't helped yet. HA!

I really think it's because I'm tired. I'm not sure exactly why, but I get a huge urge to snack when I'm tired. I think it's why I eat when I wake in the middle of the night.

Wait until dinner, Jenn... You can do it.

Thoughts on Babies...

I go back and forth between wanting more kids. I know that most people look at me, and I have 4 kids. That's more than the average, and more than most people want. More than I thought I wanted.

But I want more. I don't know if it's the wisest decision, but it's how I feel. I mean, we actually are okay financially this time around... It would be great to actually not freak out about a pregnancy (y'know, rather than seeing that God was actually giving us some great blessings. Sure, they're hard work, but I can't imagine life without those guys)... Part of me wants to have a bit of a do-over, and do more of the things I didn't with my others... Cloth diapering... Nursing longer than I did... Baby wearing... Birthing at home instead of at the birth center (which was still an amazing experience)... I know those last reasons are silly for bringing a life into the world. I would not ever have a child based on those reasons. Part of me looks at my Grandma and her 6 kids. She was the most loved woman ever. I honestly don't know that I ever heard a negative word about her. And she loved her kids, and the 3 that she inherited when she married my Paw Paw (so, make that 9 kids!). They were her kids, not stepkids. And they viewed her as a second mom. She didn't replace theirs (who died), but she also was not *just* a stepmom.

Anyway... I would love to have a crew like that. LOVE it.

BUT... Then I think about the fact that my little ones will be in school soon. And I can help them in school much more without being tied to another little person. I can get a job outside of the home if I want. I can go back to school.

I guess this all sort of came to a head when I was late. Aunt Flo hadn't made her arrival, and while I didn't feel pregnant, I couldn't help but let my mind wander in that direction. I was a little conflicted. Some feelings were pretty shallow... "But I don't wanna be pregnant while I'm fat!!! I can't quit WW!!!" or "I want to get out of this house!!! I can't do that with another one!" Sometimes, however, I would swoon over thinking about a new baby. Another pregnancy. I love being pregnant. And when AF did make her arrival, a little sadness came.

I don't know. I still hold to the notion that if Hank and I actually TRIED to get pregnant we would have issues getting there. Y'know, us... The ones who got pregnant even though we were using a couple of different BC methods when Mr. Ezra came along.

I guess this will be one of those things I'll leave in God's hands for now. (Yeah, I believe it's all in His hands, but I'm just saying we probably won't try too hard to prevent it. Not like we have been anyway.)

Really? You missed me?

Okay, maybe you didn't. I'll delude myself into thinking so. Fair enough?

I've been doing better with staying active. I'll be honest, and say I haven't had *intentional* movement every day, but I have been more active. I've made it a point to play WITH the kids more, instead of just letting them play on their own (they still get that, of coarse). I walk to the store if I only need a couple of things. We walk to the park. I stretch at night.

All good.

Also, I forgot to update, but at my last weigh in (on Monday), I had lost 4.8 pounds, leaving me with a total loss of 14.2 pounds since 4/20. That has never happened. I've never even lost much more than 15 pounds intentionally, anyway. Of course, the only other time I've lost any amount of weight (other than birthing a kid!) was when I only had 20 pounds to lose. Now, it's a lot more. That's okay, though.

I'm finding out a lot about myself these days, through the program. I'm finding that I eat a lot more when I'm under stress. That sounds like it's something I could've realized long ago, but I never really put 2 and 2 together until I was tracking every single thing that I ate.

Anyway, I have a lot more to say, but I'll leave this post where it is... I don't want to delve into 27 subjects in one blog post. Laters.

This speaks to me...

I hate having my picture taken. Especially now that I'm bigger than I've ever been before. However, I've been making an effort to be in more pictures. It's painful, and there still aren't many, but they're there.

THIS explains exactly why I'm trying. I dare you to stay dry eyed reading it! (Okay, maybe I *am* PMSing... But we won't EVER admit that to Smartypants (if you'd read my previous posts, you'd know that was The Husband... You have been reading, right?)

Promise Kept - Day 1

WOOT! I walked for somewhere around an hour today. Well, I drug the double jogging stroller out, and the little ones and I walked to a park that's about 1.5 - 2 miles away. Probably closer to 1.5. Up hills... Down hills... Through a little grass... Running across the street... I definitely felt it. I also got a little extra cardio during my walk. I had my headphones in, but I see Anna looking behind us... I looked, and screamed (yes... I SCREAMED) "OH MY GOSH!!!!" See, I startle very easily, and a guy was riding his bike and was trying to say "Excuse me", but I couldn't hear him. That counts extra right, because my heart sure was pounding.

Got to the park, pushed the kids on the swings, and ran around a bit. After about an hour, it was time to head home. Thankfully, it was cooler, but the walk home always seems longer than the walk to the park... LOL!

Exercise, or the lack thereof...

I have stunk... Royally stunk, for the past week and a half regarding exercise. It seems there is always an excuse. And really, they're stupid excuses.

Take this post as my word that I will start intentionally moving my body today, and I will do so every day.

FYI...

I did NOT clean last night. I lazed around online until 2 in the morning. I did start on beef enchiladas though!!! YUM!

Losing It...

Have you had one of those moments where you simply had to remove yourself from everything and just cry? Not just a weeping sort of cry, but a loud, animated, and ugly cry? Yep, I had one of those tonight.

The day started off with great intentions. There are a couple of discount theaters that run a special on Tuesdays. $.50 admission all day. Score. I can be frugal, and we can have a little day out. It kept getting put off, because nobody would put away their things. (Hint: It wasn't Mommy.) Fine. I let them know that if it's not picked up, that we don't get to go to the movies, and we will especially not have time to go to the park. I feel the frustration, but I keep it to myself. The little ones will just have to suffer natural consequences. However, not only are they not picking their things up, they are creating messes all around. It's that whole analogy where cleaning up after children is like shoveling show during a blizzard. Yep. Felt like that.

So, we go... Not to the movies, but to go to Allison's Dance Team meeting. Things actually went fairly well there. Then to Kroger to pick up a couple items. Oh, and we were going to go to the movies then, but we were late for the time when I thought Coraline would show. However, I looked at the listings on my phone, and it said they weren't showing it. GAH! I just looked last freakin' night!!!

We get home, and I make dinner. It seems as if things are getting spilled left and right, and little ones are playing at the table more than they are eating at the table. Then comes the speech that if they want to play, that's fine. However, they have to get out of the kitchen. They eat. Slowly but surely, the playing starts again. Mind you, this isn't just having a little fun and giggling. I'm not so strict that I don't allow fun. I just don't allow a bunch of physical play during meal time. Mean mom, I know. I clean up the messes, and then yogurt is dropped, flinging everywhere. Really? REALLY? Alright guys. I tell them to brush their teeth, and that it's time to wind down in their room. I ask the husband type person to help them, because they're not waiting on him. He is trying to get to a stopping point on Final Fantasy... omg. So, I get the teenager type person in there. (Child labor rules, by the way!) Husband says that he was on his way in there, and I just said it wasn't a problem. (He's had one of those days too... He's a good dad, but needed some wind down time.)

This all comes to a head, and I just had to go to our garage. I didn't want a spectacle, and I wanted to be alone. I mastered the ugly cry while I was in there. It was a sight, I'm tellin' ya. I came in, and Hank (the aforementioned Husband) asks what's wrong. Oh crap... Here comes the ugly cry again... "I'm just... It's just... I'm just frustrated!!!! I can't seem to get anything done!!!"

Smartypants (again, the aforementioned Husband) says, "Well, at least you're not pregnant, because it sure sounds like you're PMSing and getting ready to start!" Whuh? He was hugging me and rubbing my head, so I'm sure this was an attempt to be sweet, but um... No. But, I was still too far into the ugly cry to really get mad, and he had good enough intentions. What was that road to hell paved with again?

OOOOH! And just to make the night even MORE fabulous, my littlest one, Dear Ezra, was mad and decided to pee on the floor. ON.FREAKIN.PURPOSE. I mean, he pulled his undies off in the room. Are you kidding!?!?!?! Well, I'm really glad I got that little steam spot cleaner thingie. *sigh*

Now I'm debating if I want to veg out in front of the laptop a little more or clean. At least if I clean, I'll actually accomplish something now that everyone's in bed! I'll report back tomorrow. I know you'll be anxiously waiting.

My Blogroll...

It's updated! YAY! Lots of great blogs there... Lots of women from the DFW Area Moms community I belong to. Now I can stalk them. I mean, now I can *keep up* with them.

About That Posting Frenzy...

Yeah, so it didn't happen... But it is only a couple days later!!!

I went to my WW Meeting today, and since April 20th, I've lost 9.4 pounds!!! I lost 2.6 pounds just this past week. And really, I was worried. I have not been putting in the exercise minutes that I should.

However, while I might not make the best food choices all the time, I'm doing so much better. We did the buffet thing for two Sundays, and I actually only ate until full, and only ate good foods. And I'm feeling less and less deprived.

I still have to work on eating in the middle of the night. The good thing (if you can call it that) is that I don't think I've had any episodes where I don't remember eating in the middle of the night. I know that sounds weird, but when I'm in one of my sleepeating modes, I will usually do something odd (misplace a food... chips in the freezer, etc...) that will clue me in to what I'm doing. I've just been waking hungry. And I've been able to record those points.

I've also been working to figure out my triggers. I have three big ones... Boredom, stress, and tiredness. I'm not sure why, but when I'm tired, I get the urge to munch.

But still... All is good! YAY for me!

So... Um...

Yeah, I stink. I haven't blogged in a bajillion years. I know, I know.

However, I'm debating... I have two (actually three, but I'm definitely ridding myself "Tightwad Jenn") blogs, and I wonder whether it would be better to combine them. One is more dedicated to my journey with weight loss, self acceptance, and my journey with my Lord. I don't see why I can't tie that into the blog about the kidlets. I mean, it is JENN and her Barrel Full of Monkeys. It's not *JUST* about the monkeys. However, I like having my little space. Then again, I would rather just have ONE blog to update. Hmmm...

So... There ya have it. I think I'll just combine the two. Beware. A posting frenzy is about to take place.

Pictures GALORE!

I had the opportunity to have a photo session done in Deep Ellum with one of my favorite photographers... Heck, one of my favorite people. I actually decided to not be the control freak mommy about their appearance. Sure, I saw to it that the dirty buggers were all squeaky clean, and I ironed a couple things, but that was it. The little ones even helped pick out their outfits. No color coordinating or anything. Plus, I wanted to show their personalities, and some of that shows in their choice of clothing.

Anyway, here it goes. Pictures of our awesome kids!

This was a cool little shot... It took a little coaxing to convince Anna she was going to be okay up there.

Apparently, we didn't do enough coaxing. My little anxious soul.

Can you believe this is my kid? How do I have a kid that grown up?

Everyone seems to talk about Ezra's eyes when we are out and about. But then I want to show them how gorgeous Anna's are. They are a wonderful shade of hazel. Sometimes they shine like copper, and others they are a yellow gold, and then there are times when a hint of green (like a peridot [my gemstone]) sneaks in. People want to comment on the blue eyes (mine included), but I love that her eyes change color, and how beautiful each color is.

It was so windy outside, but it looks like it worked to our advantage. What an awesome shot.

Our very own little Strong Man.

Oh, he's killin' me with that look. It's like I totally forget about temper tantrums, messes, and him whacking his sister upside the head. The boy in this picture could NEVER do that.

My little man constantly gets comments about his eyes. I wonder why.

The big bro and his wingman!

An "Abby Road" tribute gone awry. NO! Look forward Ezra! LOL!

Me and my girls. Why are we in front of the "Moodswing" element?!?! HAHA!

Can you see how TOTALLY excited Devon is to have his evil stepmother force a ginormous smooch on his cheek? (I love this shot, too... It was not planned... I think I was giving him heck about something, but I disremember what it was about. That happens as you age.)

Sisters! And I love that they're in front of the "Lovie" element.

Really? Just how sweet is this shot? Anna adores her big brother.

Yeah, this is what Anna wanted to do the entire time. I love that she's such a silly little monkey.

Devon on his board...

Again... Enough with my little, tiny, baby girl looking all grown up. I swear, I was cursing in a hospital just yesterday about how I *WAS* pushing and it still *BLEEEEEEP* hurt! Okay, maybe that was like 13 years ago, but still.

This is the coolest picture EVER. They were giving each other a lot of grief, and she put his hat on sideways... I love that he's goofy enough to have kept it that way. And look! I got a natural smile out of Allison!!!

Ezra the Handful...

I sometimes joke that I prayed for patience, and God gave me Ezra. Silly, but I think it's true. Let me preface this by saying that Ezra is a wonderful, smart, funny, and loving little boy. However, he has a nasty little temper and he's quite a spirited little boy. Many of my requests of him end in responses such as, "NO! NEVERRRRR!" (it's terribly hard not to giggle at that one) or "I not play wif you anymore!" Then when he's been sent to his room, he rattles off with the ultimate, "I want a new mommy!" Oh my! LOL!

Well, I have become more patient than I used to be.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things... Especially Mine...

These came at completely different times (though recent), but they all came to mind today.

Anna: "Daddy has a black mustache that is NOT curly."
Me: "No, he doesn't."
Anna: "Nope, because he's not French."


Ezra: "Mouses don't like Man Chickens!"


Allison: "I think I'm popular because I make fun of my whiteness"


Really kids? Really? LOL!

Christmas Snapshots...

Unfortunately, I didn't get any snapshots of Christmas morning. Hank did film it, and I hope to have it up soon. :)

Here are a few from our time in Houston (well, Tomball and The Woodlands) and in E. Texas with the inlaws.

Look at these goofballs!



Playing around the fountains...



Christmas with the inlaws... They look SO excited, huh? Teenager... Hmmph. HAHA!




Anna loved her My Little Pony from her big bro!



I never thought I'd have a kid ask Santa for an umbrella, but Anna did. She has wanted one for months now. So, how could he NOT deliver. I'm sad to report, she doesn't like the umbrella at all. Can you tell?