28 May 2009

For the record...

Weight Watchers Vanilla Ice Cream Sandwiches and Dryers Double Churned Light French Silk Ice Cream do not make you feel better when you're really angry. Nope.

It was simply an experiment. One which I thought the results could help all my fellow dieters. Yep. An experiment. That's what it was. It was in no way because my husband and kids were making me furious. I mean, not because they wouldn't bow to my every whim. Nope.

It was self sacrificingly done for all of you. You're welcome.

27 May 2009

I am not hungry...

Really, I'm not. No tummy grumbles. I just ate a little bit ago. I'm perfectly fine. Why is it that I really want an ice cream sandwich? Dang ice cream sandwich. Maybe blogging about this will help me through it.

It hasn't helped yet. HA!

I really think it's because I'm tired. I'm not sure exactly why, but I get a huge urge to snack when I'm tired. I think it's why I eat when I wake in the middle of the night.

Wait until dinner, Jenn... You can do it.

23 May 2009

Thoughts on Babies...

I go back and forth between wanting more kids. I know that most people look at me, and I have 4 kids. That's more than the average, and more than most people want. More than I thought I wanted.

But I want more. I don't know if it's the wisest decision, but it's how I feel. I mean, we actually are okay financially this time around... It would be great to actually not freak out about a pregnancy (y'know, rather than seeing that God was actually giving us some great blessings. Sure, they're hard work, but I can't imagine life without those guys)... Part of me wants to have a bit of a do-over, and do more of the things I didn't with my others... Cloth diapering... Nursing longer than I did... Baby wearing... Birthing at home instead of at the birth center (which was still an amazing experience)... I know those last reasons are silly for bringing a life into the world. I would not ever have a child based on those reasons. Part of me looks at my Grandma and her 6 kids. She was the most loved woman ever. I honestly don't know that I ever heard a negative word about her. And she loved her kids, and the 3 that she inherited when she married my Paw Paw (so, make that 9 kids!). They were her kids, not stepkids. And they viewed her as a second mom. She didn't replace theirs (who died), but she also was not *just* a stepmom.

Anyway... I would love to have a crew like that. LOVE it.

BUT... Then I think about the fact that my little ones will be in school soon. And I can help them in school much more without being tied to another little person. I can get a job outside of the home if I want. I can go back to school.

I guess this all sort of came to a head when I was late. Aunt Flo hadn't made her arrival, and while I didn't feel pregnant, I couldn't help but let my mind wander in that direction. I was a little conflicted. Some feelings were pretty shallow... "But I don't wanna be pregnant while I'm fat!!! I can't quit WW!!!" or "I want to get out of this house!!! I can't do that with another one!" Sometimes, however, I would swoon over thinking about a new baby. Another pregnancy. I love being pregnant. And when AF did make her arrival, a little sadness came.

I don't know. I still hold to the notion that if Hank and I actually TRIED to get pregnant we would have issues getting there. Y'know, us... The ones who got pregnant even though we were using a couple of different BC methods when Mr. Ezra came along.

I guess this will be one of those things I'll leave in God's hands for now. (Yeah, I believe it's all in His hands, but I'm just saying we probably won't try too hard to prevent it. Not like we have been anyway.)

Really? You missed me?

Okay, maybe you didn't. I'll delude myself into thinking so. Fair enough?

I've been doing better with staying active. I'll be honest, and say I haven't had *intentional* movement every day, but I have been more active. I've made it a point to play WITH the kids more, instead of just letting them play on their own (they still get that, of coarse). I walk to the store if I only need a couple of things. We walk to the park. I stretch at night.

All good.

Also, I forgot to update, but at my last weigh in (on Monday), I had lost 4.8 pounds, leaving me with a total loss of 14.2 pounds since 4/20. That has never happened. I've never even lost much more than 15 pounds intentionally, anyway. Of course, the only other time I've lost any amount of weight (other than birthing a kid!) was when I only had 20 pounds to lose. Now, it's a lot more. That's okay, though.

I'm finding out a lot about myself these days, through the program. I'm finding that I eat a lot more when I'm under stress. That sounds like it's something I could've realized long ago, but I never really put 2 and 2 together until I was tracking every single thing that I ate.

Anyway, I have a lot more to say, but I'll leave this post where it is... I don't want to delve into 27 subjects in one blog post. Laters.

13 May 2009

This speaks to me...

I hate having my picture taken. Especially now that I'm bigger than I've ever been before. However, I've been making an effort to be in more pictures. It's painful, and there still aren't many, but they're there.

THIS explains exactly why I'm trying. I dare you to stay dry eyed reading it! (Okay, maybe I *am* PMSing... But we won't EVER admit that to Smartypants (if you'd read my previous posts, you'd know that was The Husband... You have been reading, right?)

Promise Kept - Day 1

WOOT! I walked for somewhere around an hour today. Well, I drug the double jogging stroller out, and the little ones and I walked to a park that's about 1.5 - 2 miles away. Probably closer to 1.5. Up hills... Down hills... Through a little grass... Running across the street... I definitely felt it. I also got a little extra cardio during my walk. I had my headphones in, but I see Anna looking behind us... I looked, and screamed (yes... I SCREAMED) "OH MY GOSH!!!!" See, I startle very easily, and a guy was riding his bike and was trying to say "Excuse me", but I couldn't hear him. That counts extra right, because my heart sure was pounding.

Got to the park, pushed the kids on the swings, and ran around a bit. After about an hour, it was time to head home. Thankfully, it was cooler, but the walk home always seems longer than the walk to the park... LOL!

Exercise, or the lack thereof...

I have stunk... Royally stunk, for the past week and a half regarding exercise. It seems there is always an excuse. And really, they're stupid excuses.

Take this post as my word that I will start intentionally moving my body today, and I will do so every day.


I did NOT clean last night. I lazed around online until 2 in the morning. I did start on beef enchiladas though!!! YUM!

12 May 2009

Losing It...

Have you had one of those moments where you simply had to remove yourself from everything and just cry? Not just a weeping sort of cry, but a loud, animated, and ugly cry? Yep, I had one of those tonight.

The day started off with great intentions. There are a couple of discount theaters that run a special on Tuesdays. $.50 admission all day. Score. I can be frugal, and we can have a little day out. It kept getting put off, because nobody would put away their things. (Hint: It wasn't Mommy.) Fine. I let them know that if it's not picked up, that we don't get to go to the movies, and we will especially not have time to go to the park. I feel the frustration, but I keep it to myself. The little ones will just have to suffer natural consequences. However, not only are they not picking their things up, they are creating messes all around. It's that whole analogy where cleaning up after children is like shoveling show during a blizzard. Yep. Felt like that.

So, we go... Not to the movies, but to go to Allison's Dance Team meeting. Things actually went fairly well there. Then to Kroger to pick up a couple items. Oh, and we were going to go to the movies then, but we were late for the time when I thought Coraline would show. However, I looked at the listings on my phone, and it said they weren't showing it. GAH! I just looked last freakin' night!!!

We get home, and I make dinner. It seems as if things are getting spilled left and right, and little ones are playing at the table more than they are eating at the table. Then comes the speech that if they want to play, that's fine. However, they have to get out of the kitchen. They eat. Slowly but surely, the playing starts again. Mind you, this isn't just having a little fun and giggling. I'm not so strict that I don't allow fun. I just don't allow a bunch of physical play during meal time. Mean mom, I know. I clean up the messes, and then yogurt is dropped, flinging everywhere. Really? REALLY? Alright guys. I tell them to brush their teeth, and that it's time to wind down in their room. I ask the husband type person to help them, because they're not waiting on him. He is trying to get to a stopping point on Final Fantasy... omg. So, I get the teenager type person in there. (Child labor rules, by the way!) Husband says that he was on his way in there, and I just said it wasn't a problem. (He's had one of those days too... He's a good dad, but needed some wind down time.)

This all comes to a head, and I just had to go to our garage. I didn't want a spectacle, and I wanted to be alone. I mastered the ugly cry while I was in there. It was a sight, I'm tellin' ya. I came in, and Hank (the aforementioned Husband) asks what's wrong. Oh crap... Here comes the ugly cry again... "I'm just... It's just... I'm just frustrated!!!! I can't seem to get anything done!!!"

Smartypants (again, the aforementioned Husband) says, "Well, at least you're not pregnant, because it sure sounds like you're PMSing and getting ready to start!" Whuh? He was hugging me and rubbing my head, so I'm sure this was an attempt to be sweet, but um... No. But, I was still too far into the ugly cry to really get mad, and he had good enough intentions. What was that road to hell paved with again?

OOOOH! And just to make the night even MORE fabulous, my littlest one, Dear Ezra, was mad and decided to pee on the floor. ON.FREAKIN.PURPOSE. I mean, he pulled his undies off in the room. Are you kidding!?!?!?! Well, I'm really glad I got that little steam spot cleaner thingie. *sigh*

Now I'm debating if I want to veg out in front of the laptop a little more or clean. At least if I clean, I'll actually accomplish something now that everyone's in bed! I'll report back tomorrow. I know you'll be anxiously waiting.

My Blogroll...

It's updated! YAY! Lots of great blogs there... Lots of women from the DFW Area Moms community I belong to. Now I can stalk them. I mean, now I can *keep up* with them.

11 May 2009

About That Posting Frenzy...

Yeah, so it didn't happen... But it is only a couple days later!!!

I went to my WW Meeting today, and since April 20th, I've lost 9.4 pounds!!! I lost 2.6 pounds just this past week. And really, I was worried. I have not been putting in the exercise minutes that I should.

However, while I might not make the best food choices all the time, I'm doing so much better. We did the buffet thing for two Sundays, and I actually only ate until full, and only ate good foods. And I'm feeling less and less deprived.

I still have to work on eating in the middle of the night. The good thing (if you can call it that) is that I don't think I've had any episodes where I don't remember eating in the middle of the night. I know that sounds weird, but when I'm in one of my sleepeating modes, I will usually do something odd (misplace a food... chips in the freezer, etc...) that will clue me in to what I'm doing. I've just been waking hungry. And I've been able to record those points.

I've also been working to figure out my triggers. I have three big ones... Boredom, stress, and tiredness. I'm not sure why, but when I'm tired, I get the urge to munch.

But still... All is good! YAY for me!

08 May 2009

So... Um...

Yeah, I stink. I haven't blogged in a bajillion years. I know, I know.

However, I'm debating... I have two (actually three, but I'm definitely ridding myself "Tightwad Jenn") blogs, and I wonder whether it would be better to combine them. One is more dedicated to my journey with weight loss, self acceptance, and my journey with my Lord. I don't see why I can't tie that into the blog about the kidlets. I mean, it is JENN and her Barrel Full of Monkeys. It's not *JUST* about the monkeys. However, I like having my little space. Then again, I would rather just have ONE blog to update. Hmmm...

So... There ya have it. I think I'll just combine the two. Beware. A posting frenzy is about to take place.