31 August 2009

Lots has happened...

I started off in April, beginning a new journey. Weight loss. I used to talk smack about Weight Watchers all the time. I'm not even sure why I joined. But I did. And in less than three months, I lost 32 pounds. HOLY MOLY. That's the most I've ever lost in that amount of time.

Then I found out I was pregnant. How awesome! Weight loss would take a back seat, but that's okay when we're talking babies.

However, I couldn't get a nagging feeling out of my head and heart. I had always felt like Ezra would be our last. Not that we wanted him to be, just that's what I felt. We weren't trying for a baby, but we hadn't NOT been trying for years. I couldn't get that little feeling like this pregnancy wasn't going to make it to the end out of my head. Hank even expressed this concern with me. He said HE always felt Ezra would be our last. He wasn't going to share his feelings with me, but something was telling him to.

We decided we were going to celebrate this little one no matter what. There's no use for doom and gloom, ya know?

Everything was going well. Lots of nausea, lots of sleep... All that stuff. My nausea stopped right at 12 weeks. Cool. I was going to Vegas with friends anyway. Best thing ever! I got home, and we all recapped our trip for a few friends who couldn't be with us. I had my next appointment last Monday, and expected the best. During our appointment, my midwife broke out the doppler to get the heartbeat. No luck. She tried a few tricks to no avail, so we scheduled a sonogram for a few hours later.

I knew.

During the sonogram, it was showing the baby was about 10weeks, and there was no heartbeat. *sigh* I had so hoped our feelings on this were wrong. Maybe it prepared us better. Who knows? I had the option of a D&C, but decided to let things happen naturally. On Friday, around 4:30am, I officially miscarried. It was not painful, but still scary. I was very dizzy, and this was something unlike anything I'd ever experienced (obviously).

My hormones are still a bit out of whack, so if you're okay with me posting all of my irrational feeling, I'm going to post them. :) Overall, I am doing much better. I started doing Weight Watchers again today, just to be able to put my focus on something positive. I had gained 4 pounds during this pregnancy, so I'm not much off from where I was before I found out I was pregnant.

Also, last Monday was the first day of school. Devon started High School, Allison started 8th grade, and Anna started Kindergarten. I'm so proud of all of those kids! :)