Audiobooks

Why have I not discovered them sooner? Okay, so it's not as if I didn't know they were around. Goodness. Of course, I know that. I just never thought I would never be interested. I mean, I rarely read. I read magazines and articles. I will read historical biographies occasionally. Overall, however, I just haven't the attention span.

For whatever reason, I wandered into the audiobook section of Allen Public Library the other day. I saw the novel Wicked by Gregory Maguire. Oooh. I'll check this out. There was no loss if I didn't like it.

I am addicted. At least to this book. I already have the next one here by my side. Son of a Witch by the same author. The second in the series.

It's even caused me to temporarily abandon the Pandora application on my BB while in the carpool lane (sounds GREAT through my car stereo speakers). That is big, folks. LOL!

The people who live with me...

...might want to run for cover. I'm thinking they've already given it some serious though.

I'm not sure what is going on with me, but everything aggravates, saddens, or downright angers me lately. I promise it's not intentional. BELIEVE ME. I'd rather just let all the little things slide off my back. And I should make a conscious choice to do so. I'm trying. Just not successfully.

I think one thing I might do is just lay low while the family goes to church and lunch. I know that Hank doesn't want to spend time away from me, but it might be relaxing for them not to worry about me getting aggravated/sad/angered over something small. Boo.

Still... I need to go into tomorrow preparing myself just to let the small stuff go. Totally. Let.it.go. I'm not saying it will be easy. If it were, I wouldn't be having these crummy days. But a conscious choice is where it starts.

So... I'm going to try.

A walk in the park...

Ezra and I headed to the park today for a little walking, bike riding, and snack before we had to pick his big sisters up from school.

First, we pack our snacks. I'm trying to make snacks and lunches more interesting. I haven't ever really done the Bento thing, but I figured I would start giving it a shot. Take that into account as I'm showing our park snacks.

Ezra had peanut butter and jelly on whole wheat, grapes, and cheddar cheese.

This was my snack... Some killer Asian Slaw, Pear, and Ham and Cheese skewers...

Here's the park we went to. There's a mile long trail (okay, slightly less - .9 miles) around this pond.

And this was my view the whole time. Yes, I know he needs a helmet. We're getting him one as a reward for learning to ride so well. This is the first time he's really ridden much of any distance, and he's never ridden without me beside him. He's darned cute, isn't he?

Back on the WWW...

The Weight Watchers Wagon, that is.

Well, I officially started back right after the miscarriage, but I dind't really get my act together until a few days ago, and had my first weigh in today. My last weigh in (July 7) before I found out I was pregnant, had me at 208.6. (FTR, I started this little journey at 241.4.) The weigh in today had me at 209 exactly. So, 4/10 of a pound isn't so bad for two months off the wagon.

Now, here's to getting under 200! Then onward and upward (or downward, in this case)!

Too sleepy... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

Oh man. It's one of *those* mornings. I'm up too early, and I'm so tired. It's partially my fault. I didn't head to bed until midnight. That alone, wouldn't have been a big deal. 6.5 hours of sleep isn't exactly deprivation. However, I woke up a few times during the night, and happened to have a bad dream. I dreamed that my aunt committed suicide. Something that has already happened, and it happened years ago. As a matter of fact, in my dream, I was telling my cousins how I didn't want them to be in the same exclusive club I belonged to (having a parent die like that). When, in reality, they were the only ones who truly understood what I went through when my mom died. She was the first in our family to take her own life. The first of three. So, then it was hard to fall back asleep with my mind racing.

Boo hiss boo.

So, Wendy and Christy, you both are on my mind today. We don't have a terrible amount of contact, but every time I happen to catch a glimpse of your lives through Facebook picture uploads and status updates, I think about Aunt Bev, and I know she would be proud. I remember how proud she was of my little Allison (little? HAHA!) when she was born. I know that would be more than ten fold with you and your children.

The New Do...

I had been aching to color my hair for a while, but I couldn't decide if I wanted to stay blonde or change. I had been so terribly indecisive, I decided to let the hubster decide (in a way). He loves me and thinks I'm attractive no matter what, however I know that he has a preference for dark hair. So, since I couldn't decide, what the heck?

Here I am yesterday (okay, since it's almost 3 in the morning, this was technically two days ago), taking a picture of myself after I'd curled the heck out of it. Yeah. This is about as curly as my hair gets without a frizzy perm. I haven't had one of those since 1994.


And, here I am after the color. It turned out darker than I'd planned, but I think I like it!

Oh, I know. What's the deal with me taking pictures of myself in the car. I promise I was stopped both times. The first time, I was in the parking lot of my eldest's school. I looked in the rear view and was having a great self-esteem kind of day. I scrutinize my features so often, that I might as well enjoy it when I actually feel pretty. I think we should all have "pretty" days more often.

With the second one, I was just going outside to get good light on my way out the door. The sun was too bright, so I sat in the car to block a little of it. Another pretty okay picture. Two pretty days in a row? Why that's unheard of! I like it!

Fix my hair or write in my blog?

Eh... I'm not trollin' for dates these days anyway. Well, I do like a nice date now and then, but the only guy I date likes me as is. He's pretty amazing, like that.

Right now, I'm trying to distract myself. It's not working. I've been hungry and thinking about food all day. What in the world is up with that? I haven't had any huge flubs yet, but this week has been a struggle, food wise.

Maybe it's because when I initially started WW, I had a few more points to work with. But I don't recall being this hungry my first week. Maybe I've just been sitting at home more than usual, taking it easy (okay, so I'm milking it right now.), and food is on my mind more. Whatever. I just can't wait for this week to be over.

I can't wait to NOT be hungry all the freakin' time.

Random thoughts... Try to keep up...

I am genuinely happy right now. Not that things are all peachy, but I'm content and okay with things right now. Yesterday was pretty good. Ezra and I went to Arbor Hills Nature Preserve. He could play, I could walk. I guess I'm not 100% yet physically, but it still felt good to get some activity. I'll just have to work up to it. No biggie. Then we had Choir practice... Both Anna and I. It was the first of the season, and Anna's first one, ever. She was so excited. It was great to see my church family, since I skipped out on church a few days ago. I got a few hugs, with very few words attached to them. It was nice, and exactly what I needed. :)

Today, I'm sitting here with my little man watching Monsters, Inc. Yes. We're watching the evil television. We'll head to the library later and ride bikes (he will, I'll just hang with him), so if we veg out for a bit, no biggie. Plus, I'm a little soft for Monsters, Inc. It's my favorite Pixar movie. Probably in the top 5 of all kids' movies, to be honest.

I've also had some mixed emotions. The other day, I was researching the Essure procedure (a form of sterilization), and while I knew I needn't make any decisions about anything like that now, I was pretty set on having it done when I felt ready. Today, I'm reading a lot about trusting God with certain aspects of our lives. (I mean, I do my best [and fail, I *am* human] to do this in all areas, I'm just speaking about a couple, in particular.) Specifically, the size of our family. It's what we've done for a while. We weren't actively trying or preventing, we were just letting things happen as they may. And it did take us a while to get pregnant. Maybe we're not as fertile as we used to be. But if it's God's plan for us to have another, who am I to question Him. I just have to learn to trust.

See... Random. But it's okay.

Crap.

I had been trying to get my head in a more positive place with the miscarriage. I know it happens to lots of women. It had nothing to do with me. Well, I guess that part doesn't bother me so much. I know my body does great work when it comes to growing babies. I have had three big, beautiful healthy ones.

But I'm trying to tell myself this was for the best. After all, in one year, they will ALL be in school. Look at the freedom I'll have! I'll be able to do so much volunteering for their schools. I'll have some time to do things like workout during the day... Get lots of yard work done... Take some classes... Get a part time job... Doesn't that all sound great?

Then I see things that instantly put me into a funk. Yesterday, I was watching a stupid soap opera (General Hospital), and there was a scene where the husband (Jax) was lovingly putting his hand's on his wife's (Carly) belly. It was so sweet. And it made me jealous. Jealous of a fictitious character.

Lots of women on my local moms' board (DFW Area Moms - GREAT place if you're a mom in the DFW area) are pregnant and having babies. One just gave birth at home, and while I'm ELATED for her, I'm a little melancholy.

I'm not sure if I should just wallow for a bit to get it out, or keep reminding myself of all the positives. Really, I believe this is a tragedy for me and my husband (and possibly my kids, though they haven't expressed very much, which is okay, too) more than for the baby. He/She is in a way better place right now. My sadness is purely selfish. Not that it's a bad thing to be sad, or that I'm wrong or selfish for it. But the fact remains that I'm sad because of what *I* am missing out on.

Anyway, I warned you yesterday there might be some posts like this coming. Just emotional junk I need to get rid of. And I'm thankful I have a place to release all of it.

My Anna...

I love her attitude. It's awesome to have a kid who is so excited about school. She was a little sniffly yesterday, and for a moment, I thought she might have a slight fever (the thermometer proved otherwise). I told her that if she were sick, that I would keep her home. This child was devastated. She pleaded with me, "Mommy! I promise I'll go to sleep right now and get lots of rest, so that I can get better for tomorrow. Please let me go to school!"

Oh dear! How do you argue with that? (Okay, I just held her off, thinking I'd assess things in the morning.) Luckily, she was feeling better this morning, so I *let* her go to school. HAHA!

I also have to say that I'm pretty blessed with my other daughter, also. At 13, she is still eager to get to school every day. I remember that age. I skipped or feigned an illness at every opportunity. My oldest is so much like me in so many ways, but THANKFULLY not in this aspect.