Hijacking the Blog Again...

Again, I'm feeling the need to talk about Jenn sans the Barrelfull of Monkeys.

I'm not sure what's up with me, tonight. I'm feeling really weepy, whiny, and needy. I think that part of being an only child is being a little self centered. Not that I was spoiled. At least not by material things, because my parents didn't have the money to spoil me. LOL But, being an only child, I was the center of attention.

Sometimes, when I don't get it, I get pretty melancholy. I want to be popular. I want everyone to like me. This is all pretty self-centered. I should really focus on those I love. Focus on THEIR needs. Not like mine aren't important, because they are. I know I've heard someone say something to the effect of, "The more you try to focus on what is going to make you happy, the more depressed you're gonna get." Something about staying busy caring for others, and you won't have time to be depressed. I probably have it all wrong.

I think part of tonight's ordeal is that I'm severely sleep deprived this week. I've had nasty insomnia. I have no trouble dozing off when I shouldn't (right before I head to work... Watching the little ones...), but when it's time for me to lie down, my brain has been working overtime.

I mean, it is 4:30 in the morning. And I'm up. I have not been to bed the past three nights (days?) until 5am. Then, like clockwork, I wake up at 6am. Then, I wake up around 8. Then finally the last wake up is around noonish, when the munchkins get up. Sleep deprivation is a funny thing. I get moody. I'm sluggish. I don't wanna exercise (yeah, don't go looking at my other blog right now). All sorts of stuff that isn't good for me or pleasant for my family.

I miss time with my husband right now. More than just snuggling. I want some good ol' alone time. I want us to go have a beer together at some quiet little bar. Just talk and have a good time. No worries about the job or the kids. Just for one night. I want one of those a couple times a month.

Now that Allison's getting older, this is actually quite possible. I'm willing to give up some costly expense to pay her and go out. NO PROBLEMO. Heck, we can eat beans and rice 4 days a week to get this done, and I'd be good. Stinky. But good. Okay, bad joke. I haven't had a good night's sleep in a really long time.