Staying cool...

This summer is brutal. It's not a surprise, as we live in the firepit that is Texas. But we had springtime weather in January, so I'm not going to complain. However, it is too hot to just send the kiddos out all day. Instead of letting them play video games or watch television all day (or pay a meeeeeelion dollars for some summer camp thing), I got them rec center memberships. A month to month is $11/month for each kid. So worth it.

Especially when our rec centers have slides like this...

And kids end up looking like this when we arrive. (Okay, the smiles were totally put on, but only because they were annoyed with me for holding up their pool fun. Impatient little monkeys, they are.)

See the girl child? I have to get her a new bathing suit. I bought that one at the end of last season, and I intentionally bought it too big. Now it's too small. Jeez. And that scrawny (but oh, so handsome) guy next to her? It's hard for me to believe what a behemoth he was at birth (11 1/2 pounds, y'all. GINORMOUS!).

Anyway, that is what we've been up to. And this is what the eldest girl has been up to, apparently. (She is on a mission trip with our church's youth group.)

She cracks me up.

Me. All of me.

I promised a current picture, and here you go.

We will start this from the beginning. Here I am at my highest weight. The picture is really small, but it's all I can find (the old one was taken in 08, and that computer is long gone).

Here I am at my lowest (recent) weight. I was running nearly every day, and I felt fabulous.

Dang, I was looking pretty great. Oh well. I'll get back there, right?

There you go. My journey is starting again.

Getting serious about my health...

I almost titled it "Getting serious about my weight...", but really this should be more about health. If I'm honest, I just want my weight down. I want to be thin. Don't get me wrong, I also want to be healthy, but the allure of looking great in some size 8 jeans is my real motivation.

I posted, last week, that I'd gained a little over 30 pounds. boo. I'm still about 35 pounds BELOW my highest weight, but I don't want to focus on that. I want to focus on getting smaller. Getting healthier. My lowest weight since I had Anna was about 8 months ago, and I was 178.8. Not bad. When I went to the doc, it was 210 exactly. I just weighed a few minutes ago, and it was 208.6.

I've been giving weight loss a half hearted effort, and it's time to stop it. To give it my all. That's why I posted my weight for all of you to see. I will post some pictures tonight or tomorrow. I really don't want to. REALLY DON'T. But, my kids also don't want to clean up after themselves, and I make them do it, because it's good for them (and because I really hate picking up after them, but that's a WHOLE other blog entry). In the end, this will be good for me.

My own little rules...

-No gluten. Celiac disease was ruled out, but I know it isn't helping. Whenever I indulge, my stomach cramps (like right now, because I ate a few stupid cookies in the middle of the night), and I swell all over.

-Limited dairy. The more I read, the more I realize that dairy really isn't great for you. I will still enjoy some really good cheese every now and then, and I will still have a bit of half and half in my coffee, but I'm limiting it.

-1600 calories a day. This may be changed. Haven't decided if I need to lower it or not. I sort of miss the formula with Weight Watchers and their Points system. I would go back, but I'm not a fan of the Points Plus system. I get it, and it's very smart. I just can't be told that fruits and most veggies are zero point foods and be trusted. Nope. I need limits.

-96oz of water a day, minimum.

-If you nibble it, scribble it... If you bite it, write it... LOG EVERYTHING. I realize that some people can just eat more healthfully, but I have to account for it. I could eat 3000 calories per day with only whole proteins, veggies and fruits. Yep. 

I think that's it. I'd make a rule about so many veggie servings per day, but I have no problem with that. I adore all edible plant life.

With the exception of the photo, I've put it all out there. I plan on writing multiple times per week on my triumphs, and more importantly, my missteps.

Sunday Songs...

Today is a pretty music-filled day. It started off with church, and I was set to sing some patriotic songs with an ensemble, having a lengthy solo on one song, in particular.

Let me tell you a secret (okay, it's not really a secret). I never really like church services where we focus on patriotism. I know. I sound so very un-American. I promise, I love my country. I guess it's hard to put in words. Maybe it's that I feel more conflicted. I feel like my pride and respect for the land where I live is completely separate and can't compare to the deep love I have for my Savior. It's not as if they're incompatible, I just don't like it much. But I get over it. We don't come in and worship the flag or treat it as an idol (well, I can't speak for everyone). And when our music director asks me to sing, I oblige. There's not much I wouldn't do for her.

Anyway, the song started to grow on me a little. Admittedly, it grew on me a little more when I started hearing the compliments coming in. I have a pretty good voice. I can carry a tune. I was never the star of my high school choir. I won a few awards, but not many. Some of that was because I always became terribly nervous, and my nerves never failed to help me ruin a decent performance. I also don't read music very well. I fake it pretty well. I say all that to bring home the point that I really feed off compliments. Okay, it's a love/hate. My ego sure enjoys it, but I always have trouble with how to respond. I have finally gotten over the need to say something completely self-deprecating. My usual response now is a simple "Thank you".

I also feel silly talking about getting compliments, because let me tell you, I married into a family with a few really talented singers/musicians. Talented doesn't even describe it. Brother-in-law was a piano and organ prodigy. It's his calling, and he makes a very successful career out of his musical abilities.

So, there's that.

But I came home, and I just had to break out my Fleetwood Mac. Rumours is one of the greatest albums made, with one of the greatest backstories behind it. I didn't appreciate it much as a kid (other than a couple of their 80s hits), but the older I get, the more I fall in love with them as a band.

After listening, I wanted to see if there were any way I could get my hands on the Buckinham Nicks album. It has never been released as a CD and there is no way to (legally) download the album. I don't have a turntable, so there you go. As luck would have it, someone has posted the entire album on YouTube. I remember my mom having this album.

She's since passed, and I'm sure the album has been warped, as many of hers were when they were put in storage years ago (I'm sure she lost thousands of dollars worth of music).

I've been pretty wordy here, but I'll end it with a song that makes me think of my hubby. I love that man. Songbird from Rumours.

See you later. Maybe this will end up being a theme. I like "Sunday Songs". Who knows?

Hey! Look What I Found!

Wow, I had a lot of dust and cobwebs to clear away. And there are some dead pics, I need to fix. Oh well, there's time for that.

I had decided, for a while, to post on The Hubs's (grammar check? anyone?) site, but since it's down, I've come back. It's been nearly 2 years since I posted. Anna was starting first grade, and now we're in the middle of summer before her 3rd grade year. She's no longer one of the little guys in elementary. Ezra will be in 2nd. Then there are the big kids. Oh my word. Allison will be a junior and Devon will graduate this year. Hasn't anyone told them I'm not old enough for this? Teenagers don't listen very well.

I had lost quite a bit of weight, and actually got under 180 for the first time in 9 years. Then I started working. Then I stopped running. Then I stopped counting calories. Then I lived in denial thinking I'd only gained a few pounds. (Denial is a glorious place, you guys. Until you have to come out of it. BOO!) A few turned out to be a little more than 30. Ugh. Double ugh. Also in that time, I've started not feeling well. I'm drained all the time, I have a foggy memory, and I was having some GI issues I'd rather not go into (you're welcome). Family practice doc couldn't find anything wrong with me, so I get to have a GI appointment for my birthday (well, the day after). Until then, I've decided to focus on getting healthy. I haven't started exercising yet (I did go for a run the other day, but I need to do more), but eating has improved greatly. I'm down a few, but I still have a long way to go.

In better news, The Hubs has some really great bosses. The owner of the company gave us a trip to DisneyWorld. We'll go at the end of July, and there will be lots of pictures. Flight, hotel, tickets, and food are all taken care of. It's a supremely stressful job, but I'm glad he's appreciated.

Anyway, that's really all that's going on... Or all that I can recall for now. I think I like being back here. My own little place. Now, I just need to get a little re-design going on, and all will be well. :)

Time flies

Last week...

I turned 34.

My baby boy started Kindergarten, and I may or may not have cried. (And forgive the ugly wall. I have promised to strip the ugly wallpaper and paint in the playroom when certain little ones keep it clean without their mother blowing a blood vessel in her forehead... lol)
My middle girl started 1st grade. (I know... It's blurry. She's still pretty cute!)
My oldest girl started HIGH SCHOOL. Yes. High school.
My stepson started his Sophomore year in High School. (Sadly, I do not have a picture of his first day... Such is the life of the modern blended family.)

Oh dear.

But, it's good

Monday Rambles

Okay, so I know I just wrote a "Random" thread just last week. I have another. More because I'm not terribly sure how to talk about yesterday in any other way.

I drove to Houston and back. My butt was tard.

Before I left I had to get my son's birth certificate, which nearly left me certifiable. We do have it. Now I don't have to worry whether or not the server in Austin is up and running.

I got to see family. It's been far too long. I love them all very much.

I was nervous (irrationally so) about the chance of seeing my dad and his wife. I love him, but it would've been too heavy of a visit for me. I'm still not sure how to handle that relationship, if at all.

We went to dinner, and I didn't count calories, points, fat grams, protein, carbs or anything else. I was a big fat pig. It was just chicken, okra and squash. So what if two out of the three of those things were deep fried? I can't remember the last time I at at Goodson's Cafe, and I'm not sure when I'll eat there next.

Our server said that I made her night with my impressions. I'm not sure which impressions I performed, with the exception of imitating my 14.5 year old daughter, but that comes easily, since I used to be a 14.5 year old daughter. Who knows? I'm loud and obnoxious sometimes, so maybe it was mistaken for intentional humor. HA!

There was talk of everyone getting together for Thanksgiving this year. Apparently, the family doesn't get together as much as they used to, when my grandma was alive. That made me smile, and barring death or a nuclear holocaust (or zombies), I'll be there.

I had a nice, cleansing cry on the way home. Before my mom died, and she was going through all the problems with her marriage, she confided in me that Evanescence's "My Immortal" reminded her of the eroding relationship between she and my dad. I haven't heard the song in quite a while (it's a beautiful song I appreciated in it's own right before then, and I hadn't realized that it came out close to 7 years ago). It came on while I was flipping stations. It was probably the first time I listened to it in it's entirety since the suicide. It was a good cry.

I woke up this morning feeling hungover, without the benefit of pulling a boozer the night before. Dang!

As I looked at my oldest, I kept repeating over and over in my head that she was now a high school student. Where did the time go?

Speaking of which, I have to pick up the aforementioned eldest daughter from a Youth Cabinet meeting at our church.